Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
do u ever get a sharp stabbing pain somewhere on ur body and wonder who the hell made a voodoo doll of u this time bc its getting old and im tired of dealing iwth it god F;uckign damn it
WOW I CAN’T BELIEVE I REACHED 1000 FOLLOWERS WHAT.
So anyways, like you see above, I have reached over 1000 FOLLOWERS. Like wow, thank you all SO MUCH for following me and putting up with my bullshit. So, as a token of my gratitude, I am holding my very first giveaway~
WHAT YOU CAN WIN
- 2 items from WhatPumpkin (Each under $30)
- 1 cosplay wig (Under $20)
- 1 pair of horns (except for Megido or Nitram because fuck it)
- 1 small prop for cosplay or 1 customized Scalemate
- 2 packs of Faygo (or 2 2liter bottles)
- 1 big bag of anY CANDY YEAH
- A well written fanfiction of ANY ship (preferably a Homestuck ship)
- You can like once (obviously) and reblog as many times as you want! Just try not to annoy your followers.
- NO GIVEAWAY BLOGS LIKE COME ON.
- You MUST be following me (because yeah followers are nice).
- You need to be ok with giving out your address.
- IF YOU WERE ALREADY FOLLOWING ME YOU GET A SPECIAL EXTRA SURPRISE. <33
- Please keep in mind that some of the items listed above are customization, so I won’t be able to send anything out until I know what to make/buy and get it all together. This process may take a while depending on shipping and time, considering school is back up, so please bear with me.
If you have ANY questions, please feel free to message me because knowing me I forgot to mention something.
GIVE AWAY ENDS: MARCH 1ST
*Special note: I will ship everything in a classic Homestuck styled box~
When you see it, REBLOG IT.
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
If you ever want to talk: My Tumblr ask is always open.
Wholock - The Doctor suffers a case of hat envy.
"I let you try on my deerstalker before and never had it returned, Doctor."
I believe in Sherlock Holmes
your tumblr is one of those things that you want everyone to see but at the same time you never want to show it to anyone
shoutout to the most awkward transition in the episode
When people say “You know that thing you’re really obsessed with?”
“Your husband’s on tv”
“that show that made you cry”
“That show where the main character died”
That one with the really hot British actor.
“I found that body you hid”
i was not expecting this
“It’s that character that fell off the building?”
person: how can you be attracted to anime characters?
me: i don't understand your question
it’s like defusing a bomb